Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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