Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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