The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
