I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize