I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
