great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
