Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
