ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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