On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
