we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
