And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
