He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
