never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
