So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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