remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
