my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
