Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
