I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
