I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
