i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
