This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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