I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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