How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
