i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
