I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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