which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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