Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
