I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
