bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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