Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
