I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
