Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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