operation harelip BJ is a go
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
