Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize