This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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