I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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