Sober January is a disaster.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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