respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
