I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
