remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
