i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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