either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
