He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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