I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If that was your dad, he is hot
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
