I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
