I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize