Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
