I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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