So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
