I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
