fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
