I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
