So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
