My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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