You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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