none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
