he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I touched a dick in church today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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